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PoeticaL MusingS
mY pOetrY


I live I breathe I eat I sleep & I'll die writing poetry...

mY veRy oWn PoeticaL sCribbLe'S


design ©opywrited greg carlson

are we?


you showed me this amazing side of you

like showing someone the brightest

and most beautiful light

then you immediately took it away

like I dreamt that light

like it never happened


and I am still here

the same way you saw me


but now

I know you can hurt me..


are you saying I am no longer brilliant?



show me the light

and take the light away

show me the light

take the light away

you make me want

just so that I can hurt with want

makes me wonder if I even want the light

maybe it's better for me to sit in darkness


stop for a sec


close your eyes and just listen for a minute




in your mind tell me what you heard


the urgency of the wanting to hear



Im a mass of nerves
Nervous confusion
Confused and hurt
Hurting, Im a mixed up soul
Solely longing for
For belonging inside
In the outside of myself
Selfishly wanting dreams
Dreaming of futures
Futuristic days I want
Wanting what I see
Seeing what I want to believe
Be leaving my doubts behind me
Be finding in a new life
Life's full of hope
Hopes my cupful of life




Ill Never Be Sorry


You are different
You are someone
Ill never be sorry about
I hear a voice
That melts all my doubt
Im not afraid
Because pure
Speaks in whispers
It doesnt have to shout


Fight the Fight


I cant function

And I cant breath

I cant stay

And I cant leave

The days melt into

The nights of tears

Afternoons of sunshine

Memories of years

All the concrete things

Turning to mush

The sly sound of doubt

In the whisper of hush

Comfort comes in

The stabbing pain

The colored hues

Born in rain

Anguish is beauty

If you see the light

Its the single star

Shining in the night

Walking in circles

That exist in life

Not to win the battle

But to fight the fight


Jane's Confession


John: If you had shared this confession with me in a coffee house it would have been different

Jane: The real rub of it is I wouldn't have told you if we were sitting in a coffee house. Your eyes on me, I would've held it in like a brave soul

John: A smile here, a nod there ... that would have been all that was needed. But here I couldn't do that.

Jane: I know I know. I mean I half wanted to stop. I wanted to get up and walk away just like I would have wanted to do midway through in the coffee house.

John: No matter how hard I try, no matter how big my thesaurus, I can never find the words to equal one smile.

Jane: I'm sorry too. I just didn't think I was opening any floodgates because I thought I was ok. I mean I'm always ok. I have to be ok. It's part of the plan.

John: Please don't misunderstand me. You are my friend. I'd really like to keep you that way. My only point is that when we strip our communication to mere words, we lack something. That doesn't mean you're less a friend. It just means you're a different kind of friend.

Jane: Believe me if someone could invent a way to take this one quality that you and I just found together and plant it into real life. We would live in a much broader world in terms of capacity for life.

John: And on further reflection, I realize how bad some of what I said, er ... typed ... came out. I didn't mean to trivialize your confession. I just meant to illustrate that it was probably easier to open up to me because of the ... distant ... nature of this thing.

Jane: I was so ready to walk away. The mere idea that I am no one when I consider you to be someone. Imagine if I were in the coffee house I would pick up the hot coffee and throw it on you laughing at the sounds of your flesh sizzling, your eyes showing the same pain you gave me.

John: I'm sorry. Be my friend?
John: Are you deliberately making me sweat out the answer to that one?
John: You are making me sweat. That's not very nice of you.

Jane: No I'm trying to find a leftover smile to give to you so that all of this seems to have been worth it. And I was waiting for you to sweat.

John: Flesh sizzling? Wow. Flesh sizzling seems kinda harsh. That sounds like 'permanent scars from third-degree espresso burns' harsh.

Jane: Maybe it's better that my tears are burning me, maybe its better that there is a distance. We'd be in bed by now doing physical acts to ride the wave of emotions.

John: One can only hope.

Jane: ok.........now I'm laughing through the tears. If you can do that then theres quite a connectioneven if it is the wave of technology laughing sinister at me.

John: Thank god! I don't think I had much strength left in me.

Jane: I hear your first words echoing back to me "I am not like anyone else you have ever met"

John: It's true, isn't it? There is no one like anyone else. If only more people would truly show their colors.

Jane: Truth be known, it doesnt matter what you look like to me. Truly it doesnt. It doesn't change anything for me. I confessed to you because you let me.


John: But it's still different. In our coffee shop, I'd have looked down at my cigarette, or shuffled my feet on the carpet. Even in real life, you can look at something and see what you want to see. It's easier here, and you never have to look away.

Grandma had


Grandma had a big black couch
It was all furry

I remember wondering if
a big black bear was
walking naked somewhere.
I didnt know polyester
animals can regenerate.



Silence invaded our





No wonder Im lost

And damn

theres no cliff notes

to explain

what it once was


Now that silence made death of

without even

a complete because

I only feel Ive found

The meaning of oblivion


Maybe we rode to the last

Scene of our movie

You know

The smoke filled fade

Maybe the last scene

Of every drama

Comes despite us


And nowthe sad song

Playing the


credits rolling


And who takes credit exactly

For the last line

Do they take it

Prior to the last text

Or does someone write

Another movie to do that?


I never thought about it


But a sequel






A sequel to us

Another coming together

A mending of sorts

A tale told twice

The best could be

Yet to come


But waitdamn!

Yes wait

Dont we all know

The theater of pain

Cant be revisited

With a happy

Ending line

With all things

Turning into

A melancholy time


Well not..

Yes not.

If youve killed

The main character

In the first motion

Of the picture that

Never was

Mesmerized, awestruck I am enthralled


You are beautifully complicated
All of lifes haunting eradicated
A dream that needs loves final breath
The reason that I will never fear death


You are tragically hip, hip to the bone
Your silence is anger pure in perfect tone
The cloud that embraces rain in hush
An ear that strains to hear my every wish


No one with nothing, ever the same
Sharpens my wit and sucks of my pen
The simplicity of agonies shushing hope
A chance that I long to steal away in elope


Somehow louder, stronger than murderous screams
You give sweet definition to all of my lost means
Nothing would matter if my life fell away I can say
If it followed today with all of you like my yesterday

The Keys


Through it all I clung

To a blind faith

A faith I tried to capture

To name my own


I found in all the pain

A silence that

enveloped me

With peace


I thought it was

My manmade love

That pushed me to seek


to forgive and be

     wholly forgiven


and yet


When the music began again

Pouring forth beauty

Into my soul


  At the piano keys

     I saw him

                  my Lord


an end with justice



didn't you get my message
i sent you,
about the house?

it was sold.
we got 0$ for it.

broker got 2500
and back tax
and water and sewer
got 2000,
and so its sold.

the mountain property
is all
tied up in RED tape.

we sold the 7 or 8 guns.
and the truck...

its just the wooded property now.
but thats so tied up.
rick gave sandy first chance
at half the price.



sandy will be tied

in red tape
for mental rape

by silenced attacks

rick will rest
with a smirk

possessions mean 0$
at half price




Goodbye Pathetic


Everyone disappears
right at the moment
they start to matter to me.


I told you that a week before it happened.
So I just had to let you know that
I'm a lot of things.
Pathetically missing you.
Wondering why and how someone can just up and
split from a friendship at the very least.


You and I were never lovers, never even
met, but we were for sure friends.
Or was I just in denial?
Blindly believing we were.
I thought I got more
than I could ever send


I have no idea, but we were more
of a something than the
nothing we are now.


And I miss you.


I suppose it's not pathetic
to miss someone.
The pathetic part
to not be missed back.


goodbye pathetic


Pray for more mommys


I had a little baby


Ugly wrinkled to see


I didnt know how to love it


Inside youths ignorance be


I couldnt sit him in front


Of the media box


Those wires were never free


I tried to make him sort the sox


And be a slave for me


But when there is no use


For a forgotten pills excuse


Pray to God


Please make a mommy out of me



I thank god that in my own reality

I could understand with enjoyment

And somehow loved my son before I could see

The importance of my new employment




~My life is a bad poem~


I wrote a poet a know it today

Digital timid is sent

Niceties received

And everything else will be ok

Because I have to believe

Theres a rhyme and reason to everything

Even where were dyslexics

Were 3 blind 2 nice deaf girls

Slamming words into walls

So headlong into loves falls

He needs time

No I need time to adjust and convince

My heart

Heartsomeday hes going to be with me

I recite to me

I write these words but my heart cant see


his needs his needs never mind our hearts greeds

lining up men for my future like dominoes

and the first tile has concrete feet


I pray for you overtime

And every time I feel lost in me

Why all of the pink slip times have I held

The silent one that lost his mouth

Disappointment stole his tongue

He went north when I fell south


Jupiter jupiter yes thats all you

Lyrics born before loves blue true new

Rattling, and last night I read


All Young Women 19-33it said

donate eggs for dough , young young young it said

730 days to go and this ad reads my

obituary from youth


I know I know Ill buy a gumball machine

Handfuls of M&Ms are ok on diets so

Ill shove all my eggs of future lost loves

Into domed glass and for a quarter

(Inflation ate the dime of my childhood)

yes drop a Washington

and you too can kiss my hearts future ass


and now this poem went awry

life is a poem

and my life is a bad poem


Im having chocolate pie, chocolate shake

Im dieting from love I cant deny more

And for dessert Ill eat your chocolate high

And so what anyway

Its higher than anything you cant even say



Ansaldis Appendage


He cut his appendage

On hedge clippers

It fell off

Into the weeds

Someone picked it up

What luck!


Its since been affixed

Thats done

Attached and bandaged

And so forth sewed on


Now every week

Like clockwork

He goes back in

And they file it

Down shorter


In short

He cannot win





I hate Trojans
Its like reading a poem missing half the words
Rubber bounces like checks missing zeros
And that guy in the dented brown truck
From last weeks collision
Was not even Bryan Jones
I know because Ive looked you up
Its afternoon and my head is pounding
Is there nutra sweet in diet Pepsi
Does that chemical make rats write prose?
A yellow magazine left on the steps
Hope it doesnt rain my text will be upset


Why do you elude me
Am I not destined for happiness unless..
I pay the fried pipers of all my regrets
write a novel idea as long as its a book
you can quit pretending to have a job
and you can eat the bon bons and
Chef with the cook


I push my heart away from breathing you
Write something else
Write something new


SHC 615 AP
Its a Maxim Surface mount part
Hang for a quote for me
Alpha Charlie Echo 6923
Yes keep working
A soul wont bleed if its
Stung by a dumb busy bee..


Or perhaps the voices in my
Head can quit fighting each other
and listen to me



I met you in my soul

If we had met in a bar
Or somewhere more bizarre
I might have seen
The blue of your jeans
The smile in your chin
I doubt I wouldve ever
Lipped all my heartache

Ida crossed my legs
A million times
Worried about the fraying
Hem of my skirt line
I would surely have
Leaned forward on
Bracelet elbows
Smiled alluring so
You could graze your
Thoughts over the curves
Of my shell
Pushing your eyes
Through the core of me

I can almost feel that self
I would have been hiding
Behind my lipsticked smile
Running my fingers over the rim
Of the I dont even like wine glass

My perfume might have
Tickled your fantasies
Wed stand to leave
And maybe my false bravery
Would brush against you or
Your hand with mine
Gauging the electricity

But in mere reality
That meeting
Would have never been
My soul breathing
With much clarity
The who of you
Mixed in with the
Me of me

The walls would have
Never come down
In the clink of alcohol
Or the
nice to meet you tonight
sound, or my shy smile

perhaps there is no answer
to the confusion of my whys
and maybe Ill never be
perfection in your eyes
but a bar wouldve been
a fleeting smoked filled room night

and maybe your hand laying
on my wanting thigh
would have had its own meaning
far better than my
imagination can ever write

butandwell in the end
it never happened this way
and theres a reason Ive never
seen the color of
your eyes with my own
I think it was so I could
Bloom for you
Like a flower
In my own gardens time

Someone I can feel


Unknown I know

But wait what do you know

About what I already know

Its not facts of vision

But the lack of division

That time has not dealt

Despite being victim

To the invisible feelings

I have so surely felt


I have come to share

With little or no fear

The things I most revere

And though I havent

Clues to visualize the years

They are still something

I hold carefully so near

A perfect memory

Without a rip or tear


Learn I have

Learned by whole not half

That some things come to be

Valuable more than importantly

Meaning you and I have never seen

The scene of what makes a dream

And I have not met nor do I get

The way that you matter so even yet


Go figure the facts of all of that

And Ill let you borrow my thinking hat

The cap of this cat where I have always sat

The Dr. Suess of my muse and self abuse

The friendship that I hope I never lose

Thanks for you, thank you for giving me

Something much better in life to choose

Someone I can feel even though I cannot see





Turn the page

On the digital age

The play dripping upon this stage

I am the audience

I act upon my rage




Why haven't you kissed me yet?


Feel a smile thats long been sleeping

Creeping across the face Ive been imagining

Hands find flesh thats long been waiting

Embracing you like Ive long been dreaming

No need for words theyve all be said

Emotions tear up in the corner of my eye

Feelings brewing that have long since been dead

Stepping back to take you in

From head to toe my eyes are first to sin

All the moments that led up to this

And I have to wonder if it would be

Too much too soon to ask for a kiss

I shuffle my feet and look down at the ground

But soon remember when I hear your voice

That familiar sound

That you and I already know

The ins and outs of what most never show

And in a whisper of a single breath

I ask you

Why havent you kissed me yet?





Its the nothing things

The things that you do

That I never thought of

Watching you read a book

Now is enough to love


The way you chew your tongue

wrinkle your nose

or push back your hair in the wind

makes me curl my toes


These things are what I missed

when you were away

These things I have kissed


in the nothing that I say


Let me tell you nothing

but the smile upon my lips

Im sitting here

Drinking my cappuccino

With tiny little sips


You ask me what Im thinking

Its something too hard to explain

I say nothing.

Knowing nothing will

ever be the same


A shadow of my doubt


In my perfect reality

It would be as simple as me taking my life in a


and jumping a plane to happiness

I know I feel it every time I see wings in the sky

wanting them to fly me to bliss

Wanting to be that someone strapped in the blue air

Going nowhere is better than being stuck in my here

This is the only thing I have known

this and this and just always this



To be a simple picture of perfection in my own minds

exclusive art gallery

Id wish to be your every thing that you cant seem to

find the key to see

Running off of airplanes onto the landing strip of me

Chasing blindly after dreams I so desperately want to



I want a love like a child, pure and sweet

Innocence and imagery

I lust a lust like a hearts angry beat

Hunger and the body in slavery


To blink my eyes in wishes of a reality that is the

darkness of shadows

You are the shadows that keep following me, haunting

me, wanting me

The images I cant see because I keep stepping on you

for you are never in front of me

Looking for something to ease the pain thats my

constant melting rain

Something that I cant grasp

Something that is my future so far removed

From the ugliness of my past


To have answers to the lurking mysteries like the

stalking strangers

Always finding me behind weeping trees

Id be stronger without you if it meant I could have


Id be someone worth wanting

Someone with something intelligent to say

Id be anything just to touch the nothing I can see

In my eyelids of you


Life is too complex for those as deep as I

Id give my last dime to just see the world eye to eye

But Im always lost in rooms with too few doors

I think Im spiraling out the windows glass

I cant take the confusion anymore



I cant get past the wanting to find my rewind

Rerecord the thoughts I have today

So somehow yesterday I just might find

The reason for my wanting shadows

To become something I can touch

Something I can taste

Not just something I have craved


I want to be your something worth touching

Worth believing in

Your only dream

I want to be the shadow

Something that is the definition of all the words

I want to become all they mean


Can you love someone for what the soul writes down?

In moments of who they are can you be found?

I just know that sometimes when I feel alone

I pray that the sun come back out soon

So your shadow is back on my ground



The delete key ran away with the spoon


Ill always be here for you

This shall never expire

Our friendship is true blue

My shoulder will never retire


Please dont forward me

To the masses like broken promises

Or erase me even accidentally

Then blame it on I love you viruses


You are pureness by example

My heart and soul password free

For I know you would never trample

The inner peace you see in me


I know with you in my life

Every happy poem can be completed

You can always exist with me

For you will never be deleted



The Brothers Karamazov fled from the shelf while pleasured alone with you by myself


A mere quote
Brought you to mind
It must have been
The breath of your words
Whispering on my thighs
Though I dont have a voice
Youre repeating in mime
Its more a feeling
Traveled and well worn
With time

The coincidence
Of your suggestion
Being the book
That is gone from
Library like rejection
Then quoted back to me
Its a blatant
Mind fuck full of
Sinful female
Genitalia erection

The notion that I
Could touch your flesh
By touching anothers
Known by me best
Would this disturbance be
Felt by you in unison
While others will ignore
My pleasurable sin

The classic thing to do
When faced with this ploy
Is to fight the desire
To gratify or implore
But my mind forces me
To crevices of shame
The public restroom
Where to be chastised
With empowerment
Of mental plus physics
Of enjoyment like pain

Where skirts are pulled up
And fingers dug deep
Where no man can see me
But my moans are for keep



My brother used to ask the birds to forgive him; that sounds senseless but it is right: for all is like the ocean, all things flow and touch each other; a disturbance in one place is felt at the other end of the world..."

Fyodor Dostoyevski
The Brothers Karamazov




Fine Line


Truly at the end of my line
I have been
Spit on
And broken
Dont ask me
If Im ok
I cant lie
And say
Im fine


Too Late


I recall all the things that came before
The events that I couldnt understand
Now come back to me
With clarity
A vision of what I used to know
Mixes with the knowledge I have gained
To complete the answers to my questioning
Now I see what I couldnt weather
Why denial kept me hidden
Now I understand it much better
But answers dont dull my pain
And so in searching I wonder
Is there really anything left but rain
I wonder if you felt this way
Back when I was lost in myself
I know you must have carried this grief
Rambling on and on
As though the sound of my voice
Will kill the silence
The lights go out and it comes back again
I stare at ceilings with words dancing
And wonder why did I think that was so great
To remember something a stranger said
And now in the silence
I only want to hear you speak
And I wonder do I want it too late?

Execute Opportunity


Opportunity comes knocking
At my battered door
I want to find you and tell you
But you dont want to hear from
Me much, if not anymore
I ponder without your opinion
What do I really want?
Im the one making my decisions
Its not a group effort
Its just me thats what
And I hear the doorbell ringing
And again I hear it more
Someone thinks I have talent
And they want to add me
To their team
They think I can add
Needed points to their score
He starts his offer out
With compliments
Of what he knows I can do
He says I have seen the
Highest reach for perfection
I saw it working with you
So make sure you talk with me
About my offered opportunity
To give you something
To work with and something
New to do
And now
I know I will return the call
And its in the back of my mind
Since I became independent
Its amazing what I now find
A knock upon my door
And I didnt turn away
Saying I couldnt do that
Because I simply
never did it before
So what now shall I say?
Well why not?
Yes ME thats ME
If he sees that Me in Me
Then I shall strive to also see
And this decided opportunity
With or without you
I will handle perfectly





Ill never write you another rhyme
that just occurred to me
and its sadder
this time




Box Im in


And click
And click
To check
Hit the in
Hit it
Hit it
And hit it
Cant breath
You are my
And I
The clock
And I
Hit it
And hit it
I dont get it
Fuck it
Forge it
Im not letting
Anyone else

Loves shuffled to the bottom of the deck


Id wager all my life on you

But one Uno card is

All I could ever find

It reads clearly blue

Pick 4 and I fall behind

Youre holding

The last hand

In perfect line

I think Im the old maid

No matter the card

I just cant understand

While I wait to win

My hair is turning gray

The lace is crawling

Up my tired chin

I watch my future fade


I got advice one day

Go fish

Thats all they say

Many in the pond

Its not the way you

Swim I think its

The happy card you

Can drift upon


The Joker hiding

An ace that can erase

This Solitaire soul I run from

But tell me why

it can win every single race


I would play

Blackjack in fact

But I fear Id lose so tight

Youd never want me back


Perhaps a change to gin

And rummy with a him

And slurred we shall play

Strip poker

Perhaps with some sin?









I need something more

For the perfect hand

Oh hell

Its a waste staring

At my game face

My life is

Always a royal flush

Despite my full house

Collected with care

My deuces always

Come in pairs


I dont dare try my

Canasta deck for it is

The heart that wins

The final kiss

So in silence that is

Something I will dismiss


Id rather shake

The magic ball 8 times

Than try to get

With a weak stick

My one shot at you

in corner pocket walls

to win that way is

nothing short of a trick

like a poem without rhymes


Theres not a good

Game I havent met

That didnt gain

Ground from where my

Enemy line was set


I think that I am

Doomed to

Ouija boards

That I can control

Ill push my self

Into my own destiny

I will make it read

What I want to believe

I know the letters

To spell love and victory

Are all I really need







Caressing my me
not the thinness
of flesh
deeper and stronger
somewhere off in the distance
where tears create
waterfalls that slide over
rocks with sharp edges
smoothing them

my feet walk over fears
slickness with beauties deftness
because my panic
is calmed by
a shadows hand in my dreams

the mornings sun shines
right through dirty windows
creating mosaic pictures on my wall
my eyes open into a new day
and I crawl from my loneliness
reaching for you inside my reality
perhaps you are there after all

Love is the soul in simplicity


I just heard something
that changes everything,
musical notes cling with their clatter.
Everything that I thought I knew
now somehow wait
How can it ever matter?
Its the ugliness of your words.
Ethically I cant climb beyond
the shrillness of the blaring
of what I have just heard
in your shallow song.
I thought it was all about
you being you, you know..
The you that I saw in my mind.
The things about you that I
thought Id never ever find
They are still there in the
Shrill of the musics missed beats
now clinging to my air
Pounding my soul with fired heat
And Im seeing you for who
You have decided to be
I lost that you somewhere
In the midst of what
Matters most to me
Im listening to my own voice
Because its so clear
In my own ear
That it can be my only choice
Its not supposed to depend
Upon what your eyes see
Loves meant to be dependant
On the soul in simplicity



Inner view


Im ushered in
Then out
And Im wondering
What was that
all about?


I was there
Long enough
To lose a hair
On the carpet
Of the interviewer


Perhaps in a week
Or maybe two
Hell pull it out
Of his mouth
And think of me
And what I can do


Then hell call me up
And say
Its time
That you were here
For me
To make mine


Sign the contract
And then
Ill be ushered in
Hell torture me
With paychecks
Missing zeros
I'll bitch 'n quit
And hurry out



I Shall Not Kill (12 a.m. insanity)



DAMN that squeaking hamster wheel
Is something Im going to have to steal
Its sounding just like a dentists drill
Giving me a headache for which there is no pill
Id much rather hear that rodents tiny squeal
As its body is smashed under my cars wheel
But if I did that my sons heart would never heal
Hed be trying to get revenge...but EVEN STILL !!!
Im only human and I dont have nerves of steal
Im trying hard to stay calm and keep the chill
I close my eyes as I image fur on my boots heel
One thought of my sons sad face and how Id feel
Is enough to cause pause and allow me to kneel
Please God please bring silenceor I WILL!

WD40 anyone???






Im a mass of nerves
Nervous confusion
Confused and hurt
Hurting, Im a mixed up soul
Solely longing for
For belonging inside
In the outside of myself
Selfishly wanting dreams
Dreaming of futures
Futuristic days I want
Wanting what I see
Seeing what I want to believe
Be leaving my doubts behind me
Be finding in a new life
Life's full of hope
Hopes my cupful of life


My souls dark mate


you are simply amazing
its quite simple i think
its not the look in your eyes
no it surely cant be
and its not the alcohol in my drink
its just what i know to be

i remember the first time
i heard of your name
i remember its impact
its remained so much the same

its amazing how
our friendship has grown
not like storm winds
those go by mostly unknown
but like a whisper
on the fairest lips
it came on its own time
melting me
sweet like chocolate chips

in my mind i am
thinking of you
kissing and caressing you
with soothing kindness
all of the time
i always find
that you are
the breath for my mind

sappy and sincere
sometimes go hand in hand
in my dreams i am with you
matching your footprints
beside mine in my drifting sand

its not that i love you
like romantics do
i love you like the petals
of daisies adore their stem
the way seahorses love
the seas that safely surround them

i love you like you love the sky
when its carrying its pinkest hue
you see it for its beauty pure
and know that life is perfect
in that moment you know it for sure

i wish for life to bring you happiness
with good mornings all around
new photographs for albums
new memories for smiles to be found
you are my soul mate my friend
despite all the miles in my dreams




Thief of Words


Carefully watch all of your speech
dont say much of anything
that can be compelling
or like the bluest oceans
be thought of as deep


Flying words on banners
cascading by from planes
vowels of the constellations
up in the sky
are far from safe


The thoughts we utter
from mouths painted lips
with little thought for
the tiny thoughts
that might become
just the icebergs tip
For a writer on the look out
is a victim hanging onto
his life vest waiting for a ship


Be wary of who you speak to
they might be easily stealing
with permission from you
the lines you deal out
like cards in lifes game
are someone elses
thoughts for ink gain


You might just read
your own dang blurbs
in a poem
written by the thief of
your free-spoken words


My Day Every Day Today Yesterday



Eyes searing my back
Sizzle away my owner ship
Cant be here
Cant be there
I cant find it anywhere
Im all over the floor
Crawling bawling
My mind takes flight
Out the window
Drowning in the shore
The rain pelts dents
Down in the metal of my
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to find
Something must be better
Than the same thing
Night after night
Day after Afternoon
Every way doom
Something new I didnt
Caving in
Paving thin
Nothing more







Pretty PeZ can you you love Me?


my pretty head PEZ hinge
swings back
sweet nothings HARD like
sour CANDY
push forth FROM my depths
like YOUR row of lies
tilt my TWISTED cartoon face
sprung the spring
too tight
my LOVE flings itself
out LIKE shots from
a gun at NIGHT
im winning
the DEADLY race
for FUN
my plastic caricature GUN
dead in YOUR face
now you must love me
there you are
with your sweet EYES
rolled white
my SUGARED square icicle
from your chest
you need ME
more than i need you
overlooking your LIES
im your consolation prize
at the bottom of the cracker jacks
jack you HAD TO come back
B-cuz where would YOU be
without my sweet candy?
yeah you LOVE me
now alls fine and DANDY?




Inkability Inability (thanks to Dark )



That I cant achieve
Writing stability
The ideas come
And then before
I can catch them
They leave
Cant tat them on flesh
Or taboo them
Like incest
They slip through
My clogged up mind
Before my favorite pen
Is something I find
My emotions a mess
And then I look around the room
Wondering again why did I enter
And then the idea pesters at me
Like a pus encrusted splinter
And Im back back back
Why did I come in here again?
Déjà vu has nothing on me
Or wait was I thinking of you?
Maybe brand new paper
With that wood smell
Would serve me better
Would break my twitching spell
But wheres that pen
Let me look again
In the first place
What was I just thinking?
I cant casually walk around
With this idea I should have
Tried to race
Scribble scribble
There it is, my thought
Wait its wrong
I wrote absolutely
And it took me this long?


Dysfuntion Unction


I always said I wouldnt become you
The cycle would stop with me
I swore up and down I didnt understand
The wheres and whys of what you were
Or how you became dysfunctional
And now here I am sitting in therapy
Rating my mental state from
One to ten like its a blind date
Discussing the fears and downfalls
Of marital discord and its effects
On the innocent child I love


Mother you come back to me
Just like a repeated bad memory
I remembered it all
The hiding under covers
Shielding out the hate
That was yelling down the hallway
Spilling into my pink lace room
The trembling all alone
The despair of the gloom


And the tears come
Not from the bad memory
But the knowledge that I
Just might be the cause
Of someone elses
Future nightmares
Almost unknowingly


I try to shake the chill
Off my shoulders
And walk down my own hallway
To read the face
of my someone else
To wonder if he is innocence
And I am the cause of its loss






And your face lessens my blue
I have decided to open up my feelings true
Maybe I am just a fool
But I need to say what I feel for you


Not just words, but followed by the acts
That fills the void with only love in fact
It wasnt just his baby blues I missed
I missed your hug and your kiss


I missed it then even then when I
Laid there still
I wish that then I had had more
Strength of will
I would have reached to hold your hand
I would have found a way to create understand


I can only follow my heart
Despite the advice of those
that werent there from the start
I love you and they dont know all the years
The ups and downs the joys the fears


No one else can know my pain
The things Ive lost in order to find the gain
The anxiety that flows through weakened vein
Moments I lost to the flooding of fears rain


To know then what I know now
But now is the only way I know how
And so I reach out to you with shaking arms
Rejecting the fear of rejection the fear of harm


I loved you then but silence won
And now the words pour forth like
A rainbow finding a home in the crying sun


I love you not just today
I loved you then I just couldnt find the words
To just say what I wanted to say


Can you feel my hand in the darkness?
Just a caress on your hands flesh
Its not enough...but its more that nonetheless






I am changing
Do you see?
Puzzle pieces
Im a better me
I am searching
For what to be
A giant picture
Coming together
To make me free

Etched on my Sky


Its not to seek or gain
A wrinkle in my eye
Would the world be sane
the defiance one Im high
tired of crawling in this
silence is nothing to say
cover me with bliss
not a piece to play
a game of strangers
sucking my weakness
never for rearrangers
I am deep in uniqueness
totally falling to folly
singing misunderstood
grinding all my jolly
underneath the inside
I am all withstood
backwards I dont hide
never behind the mirror
I fear no rejection
I stare it down
more for your interjection
you are the nearer
One cant see
Dark the shades
Your intelligence
In the bright light
Sadly falls inside a fade
Wrinkle tickled eye
You are a sweet silence
Etched on my sky




Lost the Desire


The pen sighs
A mind wrestles itself
Visions of terror
Silent cries
Clouded I disappeared


The ink splattered
My poet soul died
And what once was
Has lost the direction
To steer


Struggle my friend
That lives in veins
The blood of creativity
Treading in pain


Lost my desires
To breath
Life into page
Im full of fright
Lost my mark
on my stage




Blue Light Life


Have you ever wondered how you ended up in the rut called your life? Do you look back over the last few years and imagine having made different decisions? Where might those decisions have led you? Sometimes at night when I watch TV I realize that I dont really watch TV. Sure I look at it. I see the images portrayed by a sad society. I see the meaningless faces, mouths moving, and music playing. An hour where no one pays a bill, fixes a flat tire (unless of course that incident is surrounding a meeting of a new potential romantic encounter), and no one ever goes to the bathroom unless its for the famous scene have a square to spare?


I realized that I was sitting in front of that TV last night to fill up the time between what I had to do and what was yet to come next. Going to sleep for tomorrow would be filled with more of the same from today. The images flashing new and interesting shadows behind my society-drained mind while the TV announcer tells me about the new and improved extra value that Im going to seek tomorrow at K-mart. Surely a blue light special will fulfill my life.


I lay down on my stomach and feel the coldness of the hard floor surround my soul. Pick up my pen that led me here.





Gray Area


Road maps dated 1912
Never help me find tomorrow
I dream of answers
Living in disguise
Im a sail billowing
But still
Its all just happening
Hanging on the kite tail
Knuckles bleeding white
I fall through the gray area



One Moment


For one moment...
I want to wade into the pool of your compassion
I want to lose myself within your understanding
I want to shed my tears so we are not alone





Legend (dedicated to No. 3)


checkered flag
over the coffin
of the finish line

legends go before their time




Time my Enemy


Count the days
And flip through the hours
I close my eyes
To sleep away the time
I have found a lot of answers
And ran out of a lot of my mind
All the mazes of how I have arrived
Have twisted and turned
To become how I have now survived


What used to be concrete
Is wobbly with brand new feet
And everything taken for granted
Is something I now must seek to reach
Heartache is the ink smear
That I scrub against the grain
My hands run over my aching scalp
Holding in my urgency to go insane


Eyes look through me with silence
everywhere I walk
I am a ghost in the town where everyone
That I used to know forgot how to
Put words into sentences so that they
Could talk


Just cant imagine what youre going through
What would I think or what would I do?
Repeating on and on....


I close my eyes another night in darkness
My own tomb
I pull the covers way up high and hide
Inside my lonely room
The cold air caresses my skin with fingers
Of steel
My last thought being
Is this the feeling of dying?
Should I get back up from bed
and begin to write my will?
and again I lay still just crying





Today I was wondering
How long have I known you?
If I knew you before I met you
Then how long is always?
I was trying to remember
Exactly when that moment was
That I read something you penned
When was the second the
Connection was stemmed
I was just asking
And there was no reply
Then I realized that
The beginning doesnt matter
Its the fact that it happened
That holds importance in my eye
Its easy to recall
The petals, how they breath
Much nicer to realize
That through hailstorms
Friendship doesnt always leave
So maybe it was that
Poem about swans that sang true
Perhaps it was the praise
Always sent by you
The moment it happened
It was over in a blink
More important than
The beginning
Is the knowing
You have become
The little raft
That wont let me sink




Sad valentine


theres gold and silver
candy galore
but i have
a fistful of gore
no one loves me


stems without two lips
weak on my soul
its raining on my life
hiding from thunder
drowning in
the empty pool


candy crème hardened
card with no verse
dreams with no wings
today is nothing more than
a wish stuck in reverse




I miss you


You brushed
My heart
With happiness

Once you were
the art in my soul


I used to know your smile
Even in the dark

Lightening arrived
And I swear I didnt
See your eyes depart


Storm winds
Harsh and cold
The unknown encounters
Washed you away


The morning mist
Kissed my face
And your name
Fell on my lips


I am
A canoe without paddles
Drifting aimless on
The seas mist


I never wished
To think of you
Like memory

Its my nature to love you


The sun graces your face
In my mind
The shadows erased
And your chiseled smile
Is now defined


And I wonder if I
Could make you
Happy just for me
Like the glints of light
That now gently
Caress the calm sea


I wonder if I can
Catch the orb that
Is now smiling down at me
For if the magic happened
And the world stood still
Imagine the calmness
That could come to be


The moon is to the left of me
And the light off to the right
As dark is leaving for the day
To sleep with the stars until night
I sigh to know they are tucked in
The clouds pulled up around their chins
On the other side of the day we just begin


Sometimes I rhyme and then I lose
The brilliance that was once there
I wish I could just tattoo my thoughts
On the strand of hair thats a spare
Id create a bouquet of sweet nothings
And water them with love
Id know just what I want to say
My poems would fit just like a glove


My confusion would be like the moon
That safely tucks itself away
And my sun would shine brighter
Just for you because I love you today
Im just a rambling fool
And not beauty like nature that flows
But I still somehow must write it down
I guess thats just sometimes how it goes


Somewhere in this mystery of words
That dont seem to ebb or flow
I wanted just to let you know
I saw the moon to the left of me
And the sun coming up on the right
And I thought this is just lifes harmony
There are some things like nature
That you just can begin to fight




Daydreaming Awake


Dreaming falling and there I am again
I cant get away from reality even
Though the sleeping pills still
Seem so worth the swallowing


I hear all the noises
surrounding my memory
of all the things I want now
but are now just used to be


And everything I see
In your eyes
Is everything that I once
Glared at you with little sigh
Receiving is not pleasing
And yet I take it on
As a challenge of faith


So soon to give in
The masses yell hoorah!
Enough is enough
One event being all they saw


I know better
I know the voice of vow
Defeat is not in my vocabulary
And against the wicked I will
Never bend or bow


Its not the time frame
I would choose
And though my mind is not sane
I still have much up there to lose


So bring me a lemon
And Ill cut me a flower
Ill suck of the nectar
And gain more willpower
For love is not a game
Nor a token to be spent
I know it will fly back
Inside the window that
Sadly got bent




Diamonds are just memories


The silence has returned
To my moments of drama
A newfound strength
In my long tormented karma
New relief is now served
From my silver spoon
Unbuttoned the old closure
To find a golden lined moon
The love I believe in
Has made life prints on my hand
I tried before and failed
It was akin to escaping sand
Blind faith now flows in each vein
Closing my eyelids I can believe
There is an emotion not fueled by pain
Sleeping on pink skies only I can retrieve
My love for you is engraved in the sky for years
Ill drift forever on this juxtaposition
Where diamonds are just memories of my tears




Today I just wanted to kneel down
And tell you that I know
You have heard me
Even when I have felt alone
I know that you have been there


I want to say the things that I often
Fail to find a way to express
I know youre my friend
In good times and especially bad
I know you have a plan
Even though I wade in frustration
And fear I will surely drown
Before I find your path


Everyone tells me I have strength
This is something I always deny
I have stopped and asked you to
Show me signs
To give me mercy
And I believe you are that strength
Its truly not me its my blind faith


So I will say what many fear to say
The often unpopular notion of today
I just wanted to say I love you Jesus




Gods Rainbow


A rainbow died today
When a little boys eyes cried
And the sunshine melted away


I wish a piece of candy
Or the perfect toy
Could be the answer
To change the world
For my angelic boy


It used to be so easy
To wipe the tears away
To kiss the boo boos
Or wave my magic wand
to make the boogie man
simply go away


Now here I am
my head in my hands
searching for the answer
to make the one person
I love the most
Just understand


From the silence
Comes the voice
Of knowledge
Behind bright blue eyes
Too wise


We cant do anything..
but Ill write a pray
and give it to him
because God can.

I love you
I love you more
I love you most
I love you more than most!




Redeeming Light


You have to know I feel every little lie
Like a black scratch inside my blue eye
Oil washing upon my barren shore
Bathed in sorrow...and just what for?
Trying to find a little hidden hope
Hanging from my noose or this fraying rope
Driving a bridge across the ocean wide
The horizon the only friend to which I confide
Like a lazy fish drowning in a moving stream
Constructing nightmares fooling myself to dream
My mind is riding on a meadows still tire swing
Its breeze blowing into melodies that cant sing
Now nothing is something I surely have
Where is the everything that heals like salve?
The median is a cemented barrier gate
To a future destination that is my fate
Tired of walking this glass laden street
Always wiping blood from my worn feet
Now with courage strong and proud
Rev the engine just to hear it loud
Imagine if I had the strength of will
I wouldnt be afraid to climb deaths hill
Speed becomes a pretty butterfly
To touch someone else in a dark sky
I cant abandon the pain in ease
The heartbreak brings me to my knees
The force within now takes control
And I am its weak and weary fool
My hands let go of the steering wheel
A stoplight dancing is my savior pill



Word Exchangers


Word exchanger
No mere stranger
In the walk of text
You know me best


If distance dissipated
And we anticipated
Meeting my friend
This safe place might end


The one I create
Knowing no fate
Without rules or game
There is greater gain


No fear of judgment
Or wrong statement
Holds me back
Theres less in lack


I know what is
Within this
We are just the word
That is always heard


You and me
More than most see
Built upon friendly
Bonded poetically


No right or wrong
Too short or long
Big small or indifferent
Matters not to confidant


I am just me
That few can see
But you always read
Between lines weve freed






Ive been stranded inside my dreams
the nightmares came rolling in and


thunder was screaming at the lightening


I am frozen at the ledge never taking flight
Always fearing the free falling


Who will catch me before midnight?


Inside the confusion I found truth
A truth that fights for me


Inside the measure of love I now see


Let me in to love you
Thats what you have freely said to me


Im now jumping from my edge




$ neveR made any1 HAppE


I was on Monday
Nothing but waiting
For your verdict
That I never let come


I decided for myself
That I am better
Than what you expected
Or what I was


I lost the desire
That used to be
I lost the fire
That was once me


Your $ is just $
And nothing more
Nothing less
But hey wait
Let me guess
You think your $
Is better than all the rest
But see someone
Forgot to convince me
All about your friggin money


So. Write my name on the line
Ill sign it and make it mine
Ill pack and be gone
Find someone new to lie to
It wont be long
A fool born every minute
Find a turnip truck
And hire whoevers in it


Give me credit
Give me time
Give me nothing
It was never to be mine


Im no one anymore
My shadow walked
Through your door
Benefits are handouts
And Ill remember
You said that
Just like I remember
That restaurant manager
Who called a 19 yr old hostess
A door whore



(dedicated to Dark Soul )


Memory remember me
Take me with you
When Im someone you
Can no longer see
Memory always free
For anyone to touch
You can forever be


Peace inside out
Will ease
Even the worst
Nagging doubt


Lay a daisy
In your heart
To mark with love
The ache
That will never part
Cherish it
As though its gold
For your memory
Sad memory
Is all
You have left of him
To hold





Im going to buy that volleyball
Yeah thats what Im going to do
A Wilson of my very own
Someone to talk to instead of you


I could paint him a pretty picture
Using the blood of my soul
Ill tell him all my problems
Hell make me completely whole


I know he wont say much
And that is still quite okay
I will just imagine that he
Is someone intelligent that way


Ill give him the perfect hairdo
And hell be my forever friend
He wont do what you do
Hell be there for me past the end


It wont matter if he loses air
Or has a hole in his head
Ill pretend that you are there
When you run away instead


Ill chatter to him all night long
About the hurt I feel inside
I know that he will make me strong
He wont run away and hide


Wilson will be my salvation
When I have nowhere to go
Ill tell him all my deepest thoughts
The ones you dont care to know


Ill paint him a friendly smile
That no torrential rains can flood
Ill use permanent magic marker
Cause Im now fresh out of blood


I suppose its all a fallacy
To think I need someone
But fact is in reality
Wilson can be anyone


So now I lay me down to sleep
And as I clutch a volleyball
Now I will be able to freely weep
When you dont hear me at all






Discover this crying girl
Ponder marriage journey
Standing empathy
Mind meditate at therapy
Healing behavior
Cry from
Watching a smile
Sad love experience
Finding her philosophy
Where soul is for balance
I am apathy
Like cold voices pain





If I stopped breathing
Who would hear?
If I stopped living
Who would care?
If I stopped walking
Who would be there?


A police siren
Would sound my death
The coroner
Might be the last one to see
What my heartache did to me


If I stopped hurting
I could share
If I stopped crying
I could care
If I stopped talking
I would hear


A police siren
Would be nothing but annoyance
The coroner
Might be the best character
In the next blockbuster movie
And you might buy me popcorn
If I went with you






Angry helpless me
Finds nothing inside of you
To soothe my fever


My hot skin beneath
Finds only cold heart within
Can we find a warm?


Only I can see
What was once and used to be
Can you come to me?


I wait patiently
Because I love you so true
A quiet has me


I am the silence
Listening to your breathing
In this I find peace


If you turn to me
I will hold you close to me
Then we can be free







Am I running
or chasing?
Im losing
And I cant look at
all the things
I am now facing.


Can I make this car
go faster?
Id crawl into
the cold engine
replacing fuel with my blood.


I have to jump
this damn median strip
thats holding me back.

And Im so close
to escape.
If I could just take
my mind and turn it off.


And Im nothing
and no one
and I wont be missed.
Ive been wore down
to just this.


And Im so close to
the end.
And yet right there
On the road block
are the words
Because youre in love
This roads exit is closed





Take it
Theres nothing left of me
So take everything that
You think you might still see
Im nothing without eternity
Promises of something
Mean more to me
Take it
And keep it
And pretend it was free
Lie to yourself about how
It came to be
Never mind that you
Held me down
and robbed away me
Take it
Dont leave me with
Anything I need
There is nothing left
And so now I cant bleed
Take it
I scream loudly
Take it
I dont need it anymore
I yell defiantly


And its gone
There shall be no more
than a horrific memory


Riding Love Alone


Im up
Then down
And Im stuck
Riding a dead horse merry go round


Where did you go?
What are you doing now?
And how do I find a way
To let my soul still fly?


Can I hang on
Until the pretty music starts?
Can I be stronger than the
Superglue holding my heart?


I know I love you
I know it every time I ache
I know I want you
But I need superwomans cape


Im at that level
Where you once were
Waiting for you to come back to me
And Im still looking out
The crying corner of my eye
Around in circles that are
Painting themselves into the sky


Im wondering how I can hang on
To where Ive now climbed
Looking behind myself
Wanting your love to be what I find




Stroke my Intelligence Unique


Everyone is a no one that you thought you just met.
Consider no one is just really not like anyone else yet.
Have you ever noticed how few are of verbal interest?
They can stroke your intelligence in brief at best.
Most of mankind doesnt know much about anything.
But will tell you everything about every something.
You meet with most people and not within conversation.
I can bet that you have also felt this same frustration.
Youre simply waiting patiently for your turn to speak.
Id say you are guilty but youd claim you are unique.




Just Because


There are times
When I wish
I ache
I beg
I want
Just because
You said something
I never thought would be said
You wrote something
That dances through my head
And I wish
I ache
I beg
And I want
Just because




Lost Friendship

You were my reason
To find myself
In shadows of doubt
In all the disappointments
I never thought about
I rambled on with no clear path
Amongst branches chopped and
All mismatched


I never learned of hate from you
In tragic moments blown with hue
Solitude would be a welcome friend
In mass confusion I am a never end


And though that moment came to fast
The one I told you about in that not so
Distant echoing past
Everyone goes
One reason or another
Its part of a pattern that comes
Now from you like every other


I shall not weep the day away
Because of ill chosen words
I now wish I never had to say
I am just human with a heart


I have my own glassy path I must travel
Knowing you I must now heal all that
I willingly left to unravel


My feet bleed from miles before
A heart that grips to nothing
Would rather feel the painful sores


In every action there is a price
I am paying dearly with every knife slice
So if you think you matter not
And that I hate you well guess what
Im drowning in my punishment of hell
And seething with the knowledge
That I knew it would be this way
And I knew it well


For every hour I heard your pain
I painted my own acid eating rain
I knew it would come to me
To leave my eye sockets little left to see
I am no one anymore
I traveled your pain
You dont need me
You already shared your gore

Guts that glorified a sin
Why did you ever call me to begin?
I wanted something that I found
I begged and wallowed in silence
That left me digging for treasure inside
A long forgotten burial ground


Though your words kill my breathing soul
Bleed from you ripping apart
I glue myself back into the center
I will remain
Despite this
I will remain whole
My soul pure for all who enter


As you go forth into your life
I am but a ripple in the path
Its not what I lost that bothers me
Its what I could have had


Imagine your sword ripping flesh
Defense comes first with little less
Hug a hello a how are you
Imagine the reply that would come back to you


I am not perfection my lost friend
All I can do is learn and try for amend
You should know that I would go on
Despite what you might not see now
I remember everything you said once upon





I smell pancakes
Blueberry sweet
My eyes sneak
Into morning sunshine
Just a little peek


There you are dancing naked
Making breakfast with
Smiley faces


Morning babe
Curls up inside the
Caffeine steam
Your smile touches me
Like long forgotten dreams


I remember this
Is how we used to be
My face warms with
The pleasant memory


I kiss you barely
And the light inside of your soul
Mixes with the sweetness
of the syrup on our lost lips
that can no longer find the right words


I crawl inside my car alone
The tears can fall now
In the midst of our love falling apart
Inside walls that are crumbling down
My heart can still be found

~an old man lost on technology~

In his life it's always 12:00
Flashing without end
Confusion creates his footsteps
And besides the VCR
What the hell is a cyber friend?

Hes gotten so itchy or is that just
Him rubbing his confused head
His answers lead to questions
And there he is stuck in dread

How did life move ahead of him?
Used to be that he ruled the world
Or is that just one sad memory
All his intelligence is now unfurled

The toaster talks back to poor Jack
And his car insists he wear his seatbelt
His calculator has no batteries in the back
In the shade his math skills always melt

His typewriter rusted in the shed
Was much easier on the hands
Than a pc eating all the money
Hes so willingly stood and fed
And now he just can't understand

No closer to being hip
Hes square
Hes wondering where he
Lost his keys
Push this silly button and
Theyll beep from anywhere
He has it because the salesmen
Said "this is what you need!"
The whole damn world isn't
About anything better
It's simply about man's GREED

The television used to be a marvel
In simple black and white
Now to find something to watch
He flips and flips with callused finger
MTV, sex, and violence
He was happier with Cronkite

And now that he's retired
And doesn't have a boss
He wonders what happened to peace
The onslaught of technology
Certainly has a giant cost

Today Jack had a yard sale
There were no antiques on his lawn
No yellow pages of newspaper
Nothing with a musty smell
It was held right after a perfect dawn

The latest and the greatest and
Everything was shiny brand-new
Black and silver svelte and glistening
In the summer sun his collection
Was making its grandest debut

And yes there he was amazingly
Behind his childhood 5 cent stand
Selling lemonade like mom used to make
A sign behind him "Take Everything from ME!"
Jack finally understood...
Shhhhh he said...c'mere and listen to me

"Life is not about what you own
It's all about learning to be FREE"

~dAiSy deFiEs DiStaNcE iN a DreAm~

Hot pink sweater
Daisy in the center
Strawberry lip-gloss
Disguises all my loss

Paint a pretty picture
Scribble out some scripture
Going out for dinner
Im tonights big winner

Only in a dream
The man from my screen
Hes reciting poetry
I'm happy, can he see?

His hand across the table
Healing scars, hes so able
An eye meets an eye
In a dream we can defy

2200 miles lie between
Becoming nothing but a dream
Can he feel where Ive been?
Does he hear my scream?

R.E.M. traveled
40 hours and 1 minute
I close my eyes trying
Seeking to fall back in it


Maybe life is this
This is all there is
Is this?

'its not and you know it'

I didnt think so
Cause theres
Always something
Something more
I seem to always miss

Well maybe more
More than what is
Is something so worth?
All others ignorant bliss?

I dont know
Know what this is
This feeling I always have...

'Yes you do...it's emptiness'

~EYE read your words and I~

Eye read your words, I win
I feel like I just opened a gift that
had no plastic red bow on the box
it was brown packing paper
dull tiny pieces of tape holding it
all together
and yet when I rip the paper a white light
pure and
good shines through the shreds
filling me

I drop the box and step inside your light
just to feel you surround me

Thanks goes out to a special friend of mine, addicted_2_country for making me stop and think about my own personal pursuit of happiness with a simple challenge.

The results...


I never gave much
Of my time back
To a place that's been
So good to me
I never invested
Myself into
Believing in
Feeling patriotically

Sweet, you are America
The land of the free
To me you are more
Forgiving of the wretched
The poor, the weak,
The unappreciative ones
And even me

This country
Gives to me
Fulfills my dreams
And all my needs
Sadly this is a country
Thriving on ugly greed

The sun shines
Down on
A promise land
Where promises are
Never broken
Lost or wished
Never left denied

I can love,
Dream, pray
Speak as I wish
I can write, read
And live just
Like I do
I can just be this

I know that I live
Somewhere where
Dreams can be
Caught inside all
Of the opportunity

And though
It's not popular
To admit you owe
Something to society
I never even
Thought about
Paying back
My debt
I,m so used to
Living free

It,s as though
The wonder of
It all, I now see
Hasn't been
By myself
At least not yet

I think I've
Been given a
Before my time
Here is through

If I gained complete
Where once
There was none

I think I would
Kiss the ground
And try to be
Someone better then

Wouldn't you?

~Goodbye DarK~

Bird on a wire
Crying tears of rust
Im ashes to ashes
And muddy from dust
The wind is no longer
A pretty purple breeze

Falling and falling
Im crawling on
Shattered knees

Dreaming up nightmares
To hate you for flight
Dancing on empty stares
Im a raw bleeding night

Your ink melted mine
Day after day
And your every single line
of absence now admits
your not there
and I admit readily
Im pretending but
Im not fine
And you dont even
Seem to care

petals turn to blood
stems float on muddy pool
Im drowning in nothing
Thats all I have left to
Swim in, that and my
Floating on the surface of
Wanting you back
Im such a fool

Belonging to
People that dont ever see
You think you got answers
But your shrinking
A fucked up

But dont stop now
And come back around
Saying you just didnt know
That excuse of lost matter
Wont fix it
And besides
You would know if you
Ever knew me

Guess you didnt
And so

Im throwing
All these stupid
Flowers down
On this wicked
Ripping off my
Princess crown



Im gone

~I saw a sign~
*and it opened up my eyes*

Corner of
38th and 40th


Raffle --->
An arrow pointing
To the sky

Is someone
Gonna fucking raffle off
the utmost holy guy?

Every morning
I say a prayer
That the sign is
Still there

I need to know
When I close my
Eyes inside despair
Jesus might just
Really have an ear

And every day
Its blaring back at me
The sign is always
There to see

But today
It was pointing down
And I wondered where
The devils chance at hell
could be found

Ive followed that sign
With turned up frown
And wondered who
The clown was
That turned it upside
Back around

Black and white
One word
Is talking to me
I know Ive met absurd

Raffle raffle
Buy a ticket
To be free
Screaming screaming
Right at me

And U-turn left
And right back down
I pull
That wood
that would
From the

By this RaFFle sign
Speaking to me
It is but divine
A chance at salvation is free

The devil tells me to
Bring it home
And hang it on my wall
Pointing up
Come one come weak
Come all

Through a megaphone
I must drone
Want to buy a chance at heaven
Or go to hell alone?

~I'll Never Be Sorry~

You are different
You are someone
I'll never be sorry about
I hear a voice
That melts all my doubt
Im not afraid
Because pure
Speaks in whispers
It doesnt have to shout

You are different
You are someone
I'll never be sorry about
I hear a voice
That melts all my doubt
Im not afraid
Because pure
Speaks in whispers
It doesnt have to shout

~Lonely Ear~

One that Listens
without having to hear
could be that I am
the only one that knows
what that means
when all of it falls
to nothing
or so it might seem
I might just be the
only ear in every dream
that I never see

July 4, 2001


no tomorrow

I have seen the face of death
The irony of hatred
The hand of evil
I have watched the world collapse
The sky surround
A horror of such magnitude
That my mind has gone silent
In the ugly scream
Of an unimaginable sound

I have heard the world explode
With the urgency of no ugly words
The ground sucked in lost realities
Surreal the steps of all fallacy
What once was alive in trepid hope?
Lost in one moment
The explosion of the eyes of evils scope

The plague of adversity holds us
In his hand
An unknown victim of the worlds
Complacency, can you understand?

It never was, what once there was
A false sense of existence
Has now been sadly born

The miseries of the human strife
The color of hate is not the color of flesh
It surrounds the weak, the lost the forlorn
There are no words, nothing more

Nothing more...

Nothing more...

Something less

My prayers are with all those affected by the actions that occurred on 09/11/01

~Pieces of Me~

You used to peek
Around the edge of my moon
Tiptoeing across my thoughts
Never disturbing my flow
Now Im dancing
With arms spread wide
In the cold echo of dark rooms

The stars are cracking into pieces
Shards of glass in memories eyes
Tears seeping into the blood
Murderous to my cries
You were someone that took
Abnormal, punched him
Dropping, begging to defy

Hands wringing palms
Petals smashed into
Flesh, naked are my
Emotions, I miss it, the
Demise is almost bigger
Than my ache, how did
I fake acceptance, was
It just my biggest wish?

~WaR ZoNeS~

Stepping on landmines
places where no man goes
into my dark soul
Fondling all my
idiosyncrasies that
I never intend to
let show.

You get under me
as you
question things
and speak of things
that no one else ever does.
You mentally push me
up against a hard wall.

Nobody else knows about
the weak places and I'd
rather believe they are

Ok so maybe you
are right!
You win with me.
I can't fight the

It can be
You're pushing my
brain waves
to dance around
And I'm always
sliding down
to the floor
after being
slammed into
harsh reality.

Yours are
such hard core
logical walls
I trip always
trying not to
make a dead
fool fall.

Can't we just
pass the time
in idle banter
like everyone else?

Why must you
rip my insides
out for your close

I know I can walk away.
And no better I'd be to run.
I realize that your eyes
can't see anything
If I could only want to
push you away.

But I am dead in
my tracks.
Trapped in my stun.

Your insistence
has moved inside
of me.
Creeping under
the space of
my inner doors.
A draft that comes
to chill me cool.
Taking up residency
slamming no vacancy
signs to my thoughts
on the cement floor.

Your desire to touch
me with understand
always bends me but
can it kill?

When I realize that you
Are there in my head
in my subconscious.
I shouldn't mind
although there's
things between my lines.
And it scares me
as I realize that by
you they are always
detected, saved.
Not just simply read.

If you're brave enough
to dance on my

Then I will overcome
my fears and
learn to be bold
and secure
enough to conquer
your questions
with strength
rather than dread.

Besides it doesn't
quite matter who wins
peace in our war.
It's more that
we can battle
and still end up
being friends after
we close this door.

©opywrited KristY WeBB 2000-2002

a word to the wise:

You cannot reproduce, copy, reprint, or distribute anything you find here without my permission. If you ask me, I'll probably say, "Yes." If you don't ask me, I won't be happy, my lawyer won't be happy. My lawyer's name is Dick. And he is one!

Charity's Music